Some days just don't seem to have enough hours in them. Possibly I am not productive enough to fit everything in. I suppose that you do what you can and not worry about the rest. My schedule is about to become even more erratic then it is now. Long story short I have an IT degree but decided it wasn't what I wanted to do when I grew up. So at 31, I am going back to school to go into esthetic's. The school is about and hour from home so that means commute time of two plus hours each day. It is also tough to give up steady pay and a relatively calm life to chase a dream. I always thought I would be a lot more settled at this age but I guess at some point you have to weigh the eventual benefits of switching mid course to do something you love.

Why is it that it is that we always seem to want what we can't have or what we don't have. I have a friend who is reevaluting a past relationship. She is torn between the wonderful, caring man who adores her and a an past love who is possibly in the position to want her back. I have been in the same boat honestly caught between my past and my present and I certainly went back to look for myself. I wasn't giving anything up that I might later regret though. 90% of the time what you find is exactly what you left behind to beging with and you've just created more pain for yourself than had you left it where it was. I guess it for me the question becomes why are we never satisfied with what is good and wonderful in our lives. Or we all under some delusional that there is truly some bigger better life or love out there that are willing to sacrafice what we currently have.

Soren Kierkegaard - "Life must be understood backwards; but... it must be lived forward."

This is an interesting question I am sure that people come up with a million ways that people could show someone that they loved them . I believe honestly partly how you treat someone in general on a daily basis can say "I love you". We all have our moments but are you kind and considerate, do you take into account the other persons feeling or thoughts. Mostly though I believe the best way a person can show you they love you is they are behind you no matter what happens in your life, they are supportive and well, just there even when your wrong. There are a million monetary ways to say I love you but it is a little like praying to false gods. Those are all just things they fade, are forgotten or undervalued.

   

I know it is St. Patricks Day but today is just kicking my butt. Not that I got any sleep last night.. I am the kind of person I decided that drama comes to. I can sit here and do nothing and wa la there it is. So my ex fiance is back in town for the Holiday. What??? He calls and midnight and wants to come cuddle??? You are drinking and not hardly, but we spend the next few hours going back and forth until he is practically begging. Which is funny but he is so drunk that he doesn't even know where he is so I think he will have to settle for whatever couch he is supposed to sleep on... I have no idea if I will see him today or not. St. Patricks Day is huge in Butte, so an all out booze fest uptown all day. I am wavering on not participating altogether.. Anyway, the next thing that happens is my now ex friend with benefits calls, he wan't to come over. He has called every night this weekend and gotten a resounding no but do you think that stops him.. This is insanity.. I mean we talk about how we need to go our seperate ways they know that they hurt me continually and yet neither one thinks twice about calling me? The worst part is that I am trying to maybe start dating someone else but all this constant madness for the last month has me about to dump over the edge. Are all men truly this selfish or do I seem to corner the market on finding those. bleh...